How Twighlight Should Have Ended

Sorry about posting twice in one day, but this is just too good. How Twilight should have ended:

LHC, Higgs Bosun, and Fried Turkey

The CERN Large Hadron Colider (LHC) is getting ready to start up again after a malfunction caused them to shut down for a year for repairs. The reactor has also been delayed because one of the scientists had terrorist ties and most recently a piece of bread was dropped into some machinery. This has given rise to the theory that the "god particle" or future scientists are reaching back through time to try and stop the LHC from coming online.

The Higgs Bosun particle has been dubbed the "god particle" since proving its existence would go a long way toward explaining the conditions at the beginning of our universe.

In related news - other things that seem to be prone to disaster by future meddlers: fried turkeys. More houses are going to burn down this year due to turkey fries. If you're going to fry a turkey, be safe, and don't try to smash any atoms while you do it.

Mercury Falls

Too often I find that "humorous" books are bland and boring. They try too hard to make themselves easily accessible, understandable, and unoffensive. Luckily Rob Kroese is not afflicted by that desire. Perhaps it's due to the fact that his humor was honed on his blog: Mattress Police - which is one of the funniest blogs online.

Kroese writes about the end of the world due to the Apocalypse. Mercury is an angel who is supposed to play a key role in the destruction of Earth, but he would rather play ping-pong and build snowmen in Berkley. Christine is a reporter who has sold out her journalistic integrity to write about the endless parade of cults prophesying the end of all that we know. The Apocalypse is governed by a huge legal document negotiated by the angelic and demonic lawyers over thousands of years, and orchestrated by the bloated, heavenly bureaucracy.

I don't know how he did it, but he has found a way to slide in hilarious references to everything from theology to science fiction to evolution to physics and just about everything else. There is a joke in here for everyone - Kroese finds a way to equally offend and entertain. I rarely laugh due to reading something - my mind is quick enough to see what's coming so the surprise of the joke isn't there - except with Mercury Falls. His writing is so quick and witty that he's constantly catching me off guard. I've thrown my head back and deeply laughed several times.

This is the funniest book I have ever read. That isn't hyperbole, it's the fact that I have laughed more from reading this book than any other. Skip the sitcom and pick up Mercury Falls for a great time and lots of laughter.

A New Endeavor

I'm starting a new blog about PowerPoint for Preachers. Below is an example of what I've been doing in the field.

I'd love to know what you think.

2009 08 02 What Is The Purpose Of Rules

View more presentations from James Wood.

Remember Me?

It's been a while, hasn't it? I almost forgot I had a blog, what with all the Twitter and Facebook and Twitbook and Faceter.

So, since last we met the wife and I packed up our world, sold off our possessions and drove to Big Sky Country - Helena, Montana. She was laid off from her job and I graduated all at the same time (the same day, even). So when a church in the great-white-north invited me to come and preach for them in exchange for food, shelter, and money - well, we decided to take them up on it.

So on Saturday we rolled up to the Big Sky Church of Christ and moved into the basement of the church building. Then we woke up on Sunday morning and I got to preach for them. I'm still working on getting some pod-castable stuff going on, so I'll keep you posted on that.

Free at last

Free ice cream at Ben and Jerry's today from 12pm to 8pm

Free coffee at Starbucks tomorrow if you bring in your own mug

Free awesome right here all day every day

Free from grad school in T-minus 11 days

April Fools is over, but

I just saw this product. It's not a joke, but it should be.

Also, I didn't reveal our greatest April Fool's joke sooner because it involved a wee bit of mail fraud.

Check the whole thing here. The short of it is that we sent a letter to some friends of ours in the guise of a product recall for a diaper cream that we know they use. We recommended that they seek medical attention if experiencing any of the side effects listed:

rash, discoloration, mysochonosis, spontaneous dental hydroplosion, anal fissures, mandibular dislocation, acute or chronic hyperhydrosis, partial or complete bifurcation.

They totally bought it, and didn't figure it out until we called them to find out if they had heard about the product recall. They even noticed that the letter was from someone with the same name as me.

We are the champions my friends!

All Instant - All the Time

I just found out that with a certain coffee company's new instant coffee breakthrough and the climate of the global economy they have decided to only brew instant coffee in their stores.

I'm not very happy about this. I joined up, in part, due to the love of coffee and the beans. Even though this is pretty good for instant coffee, that's like saying the Dixie Chicks are pretty good for country music - it's still bad, just not as bad.

So, unless the people rise up and do something about this, all the coffee (both drip and espresso drinks) will be instant. When they tried to stop breakfast sandwiches the masses rose up and changed their mind, we can stop this too. Just click here to sign the petition and help preserve good coffee for all.